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(no subject) [Sep. 12th, 2008|09:52 pm]

i do so many things that i tell myself i won't do. for instance:
*write in my lj even though i said i was finished.
*i quit smoking and start again (i blame you kelli ;] )
*i still keep to myself around some of the people in my classes when i should be the little fireball i am.
*get into fights with my father
*make up excuses to not hang out with a person

blah blah.
i really didnt want to write in this again. but now i have an urge. so here we go.
sometimes i really like aacc and sometimes i completely hate it
good things about aacc:
*its smaller. and im used to that thanks to bsa
*its not far away from home
*im working on campus- therefore im not home as much
*my english is the best class ive EVER had. we actually have thought-provoking seminars. AND there are intelligent people in my class. I LOVE IT
*skipping is an easier choice
*lots of walking
* okay people
my oceanography prof. "b man" who says "man" in a very funny voice,every single time

i have so many dislikes about aacc. i know almost for sure that they out weigh my likes. but i dont feel like listing those. maybe anoter day.
if i had the opportunity to go somplace else- i would, in all honesty. aacc isn't all that bad. it's just that i dont see myself here. there's all these places i want to go to and all these things that i want to. but im stuck in this quad.

yesterday i got into an awful fight with my father. i dont even know who he is anymore. we see too much of eachother and all we do is pound eachother into the wall. it's getting repetitive.

james is such a great guy. but i dont know how much more of him i can handel. every 5 minutes he's texting me telling me every thing. and he gets really jeulous REALLy easily. and we're not even dating yet. that's a problem. he asked me to go to the hooka bar tonite- but i declined. i need a break.

i miss a lot of people. thankfully i got to see alfalfa and her new friends in towson on tuesday. and got some high time- fo' free. i had a good time. im looking forward to next weekend and deep creek. 

i cant belive im turning 18 next week. i could have cared less a few months ago because i could already do a lot of things. but now i really want it. im really looking forward to it. i was having this funny conversation with charlie today about his 18th birthday and how he could hardly remeber it. i hope mine is like that. he also said that he was arrested on his borthday for trespassing- in a fucking park. i almost peed my pants from laughing so hard.

i love house. that sarcastic asshole is so entertaining. im going to eat [some more] mint choco chip ice cream and finish watching house.

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(no subject) [May. 22nd, 2008|07:18 pm]
i love my life. i love my life. i love my life. i love my life. i love my life. i love my life. i love my life. i love my life. i love my life. i love my life. ilove my life. i love my life. i love my live. i love my life. i love my life. i love my life. i love my life. i love my life!
i have so many good things right in front of me. and im still a kid. there's no rush.
i think i just had a major emiphany. unfortunately, i have a pretty severe sore throat.
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(no subject) [Apr. 30th, 2008|07:45 pm]
 they sure love craming in all these concerts before the seniors leave. this is absolutely rediculous. i feel like im going to pass out on the fucking risers.
im so happy that i only have one more lesson. and flower mart is this weekend. ive never been to flower mart. so excited :) 
the only real reason why i wanted to posted was so say how bad i want a sugar glider:

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(no subject) [Apr. 27th, 2008|05:30 pm]
haitus. completely haitus. 
im a mess and a thief. friday was so nice. got some chill time. and 2 journals (my sketchbook and an actual journal, because i really need one. just for me. im going to start writing in it on may 12, i planned it all out), 3 cookbooks (im preparing to stockup for when i move in with alfalfa) to name a few.
amanda is in town this weekend for the wedding yesterday. i missed her. the wedding ending up being a completely lame (for me). first it started off with me getting sick on my way up to PA. then i get there and i know only like 4 people (and not all that well). my night was just really bad. i was bored and really upset.
11 more days on monday. im ready to kick down the doors. almost there.
i want so many things to be different by the summer. i want to be in a new mindset. i think i will once i graduate and get my head straight and meet new people. im really confused about things with my mother. things arent bad at all, if anything, things couldnt be any better. thats what confuses me. the plan was (before what had happened) after i graduate, that she would move back to minnesota. as far as things go, i dont think it'll happen because she's just starting to be happy with "us". and plus, the environment she'll be around won't be so good for her, and she knows that. she knows she needs more time. but it still keeps me wondering, when does she want to go back. and if she does, whats going to happen with us. i really dont want her to go back, but who am i to keep her away from her family. i mean i am her daughter and everything, but she has a life back there, and once im 18 its up to me where i want to go. and i dont want to leave her. its such a difficult situation. most kids my age would be begging to get out and get away from their parents. i do, i really do. but at the same time, i want to be close with my mom AND my dad because there's been some really low times in my life where they did everything for me. but i know that wont be happening because eventually, she's going to be miles and miles away.  i feel like such a little girl now, and i know i still am. im really afriad of growing up sometimes.
i really want some tea. there's a house marathon tonite. im going to read for a little while

(no subject) [Apr. 19th, 2008|08:17 pm]
I'm an ocean in your bedroom. make you feel warm, make you wanna re-assume. now we know it all for sure. I'm a dance hall, dirty breakbeat. make the snow fall up from underneath your feet, not alone, I'll be there. tell me when you want to go. I'm a meth lab, first rehab. take it all off, and step inside the running cab. there's a love that knows the way. I'm the rainbow in your jail cell. all the memories of everything you've ever smelled, not alone, I'll be there. tell me when you want to go. don't forget me I can't hide it. come again get me excited. I'm an inbred and a pothead. two legs that you spread, inside the tool shed. now we know it all for sure. I could show you, to the free field overcome and more will always be revealed. not alone I'll be there. tell me when you want to go. don't forget me I can't hide it. there's a match now let me light it. I'm the bloodstain, on your shirt sleeve. coming down and more are coming to believe. now we know it all for sure. make the hair stand, up on your arm. teach you how to dance, inside the funny farm. not alone, I'll be there. tell me when you want to go. I'll be there and tell me when you want to go. come on then and tell me when you want to go. more will be revealed my friend.
(one of the best songs out there, by far.)

this past week was so choatic. then on top of that, juries are on monday. im not complaining at all, im just saying it's beyond inconvinent. 
im so happy in this perfect weather. i cannot wait to bust out of school, it's almost here. the littlest things are getting to me, it's hard to bare sometimes. 
i hat eplans, i really do. plans get screwed up. plans mess with you. it's something you build yourself up for in the future, but the only thing to come is the "completely ruined" feeling when it gets canceled or when it just doesnt happen. that the worst kind of plan- when it doesnt even happen without anything said about it. no "sorry" or "we'll try again tommarow". 
it's the little things i guess.

(no subject) [Apr. 13th, 2008|09:20 pm]

(no subject) [Apr. 10th, 2008|09:56 pm]

he's the man
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(no subject) [Mar. 25th, 2008|09:47 pm]
its nice not having any work to do over the break. ive actually got a lot done though. im way ahead in everything. plus ive gotten some clothing projects that were totally neglected finished with. i really want to get back into that again. i miss screen printing and customizing. 
being in a mindsset for so long and then have all that change within a few seconds really tore me up. i had this awful feeling in the pit of my stomach. it's not so much that i didnt want that feeling again, its the fact that i never thought i would have that feeling again. intution really screws with me. and it doesnt make it any better that there wasnt any ending. there's too many unresolved issues. 
i really hate whinning and complaining on here. thats really all i use this thing for. it's pretty lame.
i dont know whats going on. i havent been making the right choices (and i'll be th first to say it) and i feel like complete trash. i have all this energy but no will power. i have all these things to say but no courage. i have time but no job. there's things i want, but i got no money. and i got a license, but no ride. 
the funny thing is...im really happy this week. even though im thinking about all this shit.

well, at least im going to ny this weekend. i really need some new air.   

(no subject) [Feb. 23rd, 2008|08:06 pm]
i almost peed my pants laughing so hard at this. we need more people like this in minnesota.

so things have been going well. its weird, lots of things have happened, but it doesnt feel like it. im just happy my mind is in the right place right now. i feel like such a different person when im outside of school. im so tired of bsa. there's nothing more of it i want. im tired of the majority of people and teachers there. the only thing that is really motivating me and pushing me to do well in school is being exempt from my exams. that is it.
i am so ready for my crazy tests on monday. even us history. bring it on leocadio!
friday was so nice being off for absolutely nothing. i got a lot of shit done.
streetlight manifesto is coming to baltimore. im reallly happy. their music puts me in a good mood.
i think im going to try to get a job at brusters. haha. i miss shopping....i have no money.

im staying in tonite. its nice staying in on weekends sometimes. especially when its miserable outside. i just like watching movies and snuggling under the sheets.
i think im going to go watch Gia or some angelina jolie movie. god, that woman is beautiful.
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(no subject) [Feb. 12th, 2008|12:40 pm]
ive been feeling pretty good, even though im feeling sickish. i dont know what it is.

she had long brown hair, all down her breast. made me think about my future, made me think about my past. she was so pretty. as pretty as can be. and I thought "My god, why shouldn't it be me?" her skin was tight, her manner was free. she gave me that look that seemed to say "Hey you, look at me". her smile was crooked and good as she sucked her Capri. and I thought "My god, why shouldn't it be me?" her body was free. don't tell me what's proper. anyone can see. i wasn't even her first, so don't blame it on me. she was so pretty, as pretty as can be. I thought
"My god, why shouldn't it be me?" her body was free. you know what the bible says? i'll tell you what it says. it says "Don't put a stumbling block in front of someone who can't see, don't put a beautiful body in front of someone who's hungry," she was so pretty, as pretty as can be. and I thought "My god, why shouldn't it be me?" c'mon lord, why shouldn't it be me.


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