||[Jan. 29th, 2008|11:49 am]
shit hits the fan.
this past week was hell. no doubt about it. but the fit with my dad really opened my eyes. we were on the phone yesterday for over an hour talking about what happened and how were going to try to resolve things. im so glad that happened. as much as i hate fights, i appreciate even more in the end. i learned that there are going to be things that are going to be hard for me to talk about, and thats okay. i still need to talk about them though, no matter how hard it is. and that my dad and i have very different proiorities and methods of thinking, which is also okay because we learn from eachother. and when i get hurt by the actions of other people, i need to know that sometimes those people don't do it intenially. finding out these kind of things dont change me, or make me second guess myself. they make me realize that people arent always going to see things how i see them and that i should be be more aware of that before i get emotional.
even though my father and i butt heads all the time, it'll never change how much i love him. same goes for my mother. sometimes arguments go beyond family, even though they're not as loud. and all it takes is face to face. there's so many people around me that i can honestly say there's one thing i dont like about each person. and there's nothing wrong with that. because the other things that make up that person overtake the bad thing. and those things open my eyes to people and change me. thats the reason why i love my friends as much as i do. and that's why now it's especially hard for me because we're all leaving it just a few months.
things with the sat's didnt go as i hoped for. im just not a good test taker. i never have been. sure i can pass a test in school, but i need all the time in the period or more because i freak out and need to read things a million times before answering. that's just how i am. so needless to say, there was a lot i didnt finish on it. but at least i can say, i tried my hardest and studied my ass off for 2 months. and im proud of myself for that. of course i wanted to do so much better, but it is what it is and i cant change it now. so im not going to be upset about it anymore. if it holds me back from getting in certain colleges, then so be it. i'll get over it. it's only going to hold me back so far. i know i'll be happy wherever i go whether it be in maryland new york or even minnesota.
ive been getting back into sewing again. it's puts me in a better place in my head. it relaxes me. and im getting my pictures all togetehr for my scrapbook. i cannot wait to finish it.
now im going to go out with my father to get chinese. something very good as well