||[Apr. 27th, 2008|05:30 pm]
haitus. completely haitus. |
im a mess and a thief. friday was so nice. got some chill time. and 2 journals (my sketchbook and an actual journal, because i really need one. just for me. im going to start writing in it on may 12, i planned it all out), 3 cookbooks (im preparing to stockup for when i move in with alfalfa) to name a few.
amanda is in town this weekend for the wedding yesterday. i missed her. the wedding ending up being a completely lame (for me). first it started off with me getting sick on my way up to PA. then i get there and i know only like 4 people (and not all that well). my night was just really bad. i was bored and really upset.
11 more days on monday. im ready to kick down the doors. almost there.
i want so many things to be different by the summer. i want to be in a new mindset. i think i will once i graduate and get my head straight and meet new people. im really confused about things with my mother. things arent bad at all, if anything, things couldnt be any better. thats what confuses me. the plan was (before what had happened) after i graduate, that she would move back to minnesota. as far as things go, i dont think it'll happen because she's just starting to be happy with "us". and plus, the environment she'll be around won't be so good for her, and she knows that. she knows she needs more time. but it still keeps me wondering, when does she want to go back. and if she does, whats going to happen with us. i really dont want her to go back, but who am i to keep her away from her family. i mean i am her daughter and everything, but she has a life back there, and once im 18 its up to me where i want to go. and i dont want to leave her. its such a difficult situation. most kids my age would be begging to get out and get away from their parents. i do, i really do. but at the same time, i want to be close with my mom AND my dad because there's been some really low times in my life where they did everything for me. but i know that wont be happening because eventually, she's going to be miles and miles away. i feel like such a little girl now, and i know i still am. im really afriad of growing up sometimes.
i really want some tea. there's a house marathon tonite. im going to read for a little while