||[Dec. 19th, 2007|08:20 pm]
you would never think, that with all the shit you do, you would ever get caught. and then it happens. |
drinking while intoxicated.
drinking under the influence
drinking while impared.
and a 1.7
i have never felt so unstabled. it wasnt even her fault. and yet she's the one that is hurt. everything is going on at once. it's so hard sometimes. but i guess you have to hit rock bottom to wake up and see some light. and to know that the bad things you choose to do, can hurt you. some things need to stop. if she can do it, so can i.
i just want to have control again.
this made me feel so much better :
"im glad you grew from this.
and i know no one is perfect, no one less than me. i know. i can't think of many people who deserves tears less than you. im not just saying that in some jesture to look like a good guy or a sensitive guy or some other piece of bull shit. im not doing to make you feel better. you are one of the good guys in my life, of which there aren't many. your role is appreciated. i feel bad for you, not pity, you needn't pity, i just empathize. today when dr. hardy told you to sing out, as that single tear rolled down your cheek, man, it was like a punch to the gut. i wanted to my stand at him in a most violent manner, (even though retrospectively, he didn't even know what was up.)
all i want is everything to be all right with my friends, you especially. i love you guys truely. i miss you when your not around, and when youre not smiling, im missing the best part."
i really do have good things around me most of the time. its just hard to take the good thing in sometimes when bad things happen. and when you truely want to shut everyone out. even though i cant control everything, there are things i can.
ive been on a radiohead binge. i guess it goes with the mood.
I've been thinking about you. so how can you sleep. these people aren't you're friends, they pay to kiss your feet. but they don't know what I know. what do you care? when I'm not there.